For Natalie
I have been thinking about this day ever since I got the call last Saturday that Natalie was in true distress. More particularly, I have thought constantly about what I could say to my Sister that would help her, and hopefully the rest of the family, to make sense of this tragedy and ease the overwhelming sense of loss and grief I knew she would be feeling. Those thoughts turned to desperation on Tuesday when Jennifer called me.
I finally figured out that there are no words. There is nothing that I or anyone else can say that will bring true solace to my family. Each of us will have to fight our own thoughts, grieve in our own way and, hopefully, come to that place where we can live with the loss. Let me be clear about this, each of us that knew and loved Natalie is left with a hole in our heart today. That hole may vary in size from Natalie’s family members to her mere acquaintances, but every person that knew Natalie is left with a sense of heartfelt loss. Each of us in our own way must find a way to let that hurt heal; but we know that while it might heal enough to create a scar, it will never be truly whole again.
Aside from trying and being totally unable to bring peace to my family, I know that everyone here is asking the same question as me – Why? Why would God choose Natalie, of all people and at such a young age, to suffer through what she did and ultimately, take her from the people that she touched in the very way that God intends each of us to touch the other? There is no answer to this question. There is only the follow-on question that is asked over and over again – Why do bad things happen to good people? There is no one more appropriate to ask that question about than Natalie. In her far too short life, she was the best daughter, wife, mother and friend that any of us can imagine. Why have her suffer through what she did will haunt everyone that knew her forever.
As for me, I will not think of Natalie as she battled every adversity that God and medicine threw at her. I will think of the pixie she was as a child and the beauty she became as a woman. I will also think of her as I watched her with that certain unspoken joy and love that was unmistakable whenever she was with the lights of her life – Ruth, Sarah and Rebecca. As I said, there is no finer daughter, wife or mother than Natalie and that is the way I will forever keep her in my heart.
As I said, there is nothing that I can say that will help heal the hurt that my family is feeling There is only the natural grieving process. However, I do want to say a few particular words to my family.
Cindy – For better or for worse, you are now part of this family. Unfortunately for you, that means you will always be tied to me. But what I want to tell you is that you are the ultimate when it comes to the definition of a friend. Your tireless devotion to Natalie serves as a shining example of what it means to be a friend. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that to Natalie and I will never forget you for that.
Anne, Stan and Robin – I know you have done all you could to support Lila, Norman and the whole family. As always Anne, you show why you and Lila are my true heroes in life. I also know that each of you expects no less from your self and I love you for that.
Ruth, Sarah and Rebecca - Each of you in your own way is a remarkable young woman that your mother is extremely proud of, as is everyone else in the family. You must always keep your mother close to your heart and do everything you can to become just like her. That will be the greatest gift you can give.
Joel – I have watched you fight for Natalie, not giving an inch and making sure that no stone was left unturned and no question left unanswered. Your selfless dedication to Natalie is a testament to what true love is all about. No one should ever be put in the position that you were put in this week, but from beginning to end your love and compassion shone through. Your life, like Lila’s, has had too much tragedy, too soon. My hope is that the rest of your life will be filled with peace and joy centered on your three remarkable daughters.
Jennifer – Perhaps just as much as Joel, and in some ways even more so, you have shown unbelievable strength, compassion and love in supporting Natalie, Joel, the girls, Lila and Norman, not to mention carrying on your own family with Alan, Rachel, Simone and Mark. As an Uncle I failed you and Natalie because I wasn’t here enough and didn’t do enough, but when I was here and watched you I was awestruck by what you did. You were more than a sister or best friend to Natalie, you were the angel that God gave Natalie when she needed it the most. You helped the whole family get through this. Alan, Rachel, Simone and Mark, I thank you on behalf of the whole family for sharing Jennifer with us the way you did. Jennifer, I don’t know how to tell you how much I admire and appreciate everything you’ve done.
Norman and Lila – Your hearts are not healable, I know, but you must take the time to grieve and then focus on the remarkable family that you have built. Lila, you don’t deserve this second tragedy in your life. You and Anne went through hell as children and now I know you feel you are going through it again. I can’t imagine the depths of despair and loss that you and Norman are suffering through now, but I do know that the dark abyss of this tragedy will, at some point, be lit brightly by the girls as they grow into women just like Natalie, and the joy that you will continue to receive from Jennifer, Alan, Rachel, Simone and Mark. You must get through, as you did before, and allow yourself to enjoy all the blessings that lay ahead for you and Norman.
Natalie is at peace now. My hope for everyone here is that each of us finds healing in their own way and that it comes soon.